Sunday, August 24, 2008

northwest staycation

our northwest staycation (or, journey to the center of maxs negative bank account) begins with a wop bop a lu bop a wop bam boo at glos. no wait (except for on james and emily), caffiene jitters gripped my jet lagged brain ([bro]oakland to seattle), but i was soothed by the creamy deliciousness of the steadfast benedict. carry on, glo! steady as she goes!

l: you know the shellac song 'steady as she goes'? that's all i can think of when i hear that phrase now, which is fine with me, for several reasons, as follows: 1. i never thought that song was going to get released; a happy day indeed when it was, 2. clearly, shellac is inextricably and understandably linked in my brainskull with bob weston, 3. who is the stuff my dreams are made of. in fact, i would say the only thing wrong with this meal at glo's is that weston wasn't there, but, really, he never is. i think i had a greek scramble. does bob weston like greek scrambles? i could pretty easily switch to pancakes, if it would make breakfasttime easier.

thai tom in u district next. ok, look. first i just had a sweating problem, but then i got fucking Fat, so lay off, capice? swimming rama, foah stah {ed note: max only got two or three stars. i remember because i ordered four stars in an attempt to gain control as the AMOG [alpha male of group]}! see, its just that i love deep fried tofu. on a placid bed of spinach. flavored saltily by my sweat dropping into it, but still, y know, like, impervious. uh, whatever

l: the money meal here is splitting the coconut soup and then taking home your delicious entree (mama likes the spicy broccoli with chicken). are you listening, bob weston? i need someone to split soup with.

no dinner for you! you too Fat! you dance with james on mask on!

back to glos but i dont think the waitress remembered us. which is likely for the best. portions are extraordinary. after eating a spanish omlette i was quite full. like bowed-buttons-on-shirt-full. yipes. garnished w a grapefruit slice and shredded cabbage. first of all, orange and purple are complimentary colors. second of all, im not even sure if thats true. so, yeah, thats like, two things.

l: what did i eat? i think french toast. we should start writing these sooner, so people have more time to not read our blog.

go meet nate schmoe downtown in line for salumi, (as featured on no reservations. i dont care for that show. but i care for salami. a great deal.) where else? wait 45 minutes so that i can never eat another salami sandwich again. the bars been raised to high. hot coppa, come to poppa. (pause for laughter; my own) AHAHAHAHAHA!!!

"oh im sorry, im wasted. i will need 'dicks in my mouth'. not my words. no, sir, i wont try to climb through the tiny window. not tonite. its too late now anyway. im too Fat. havent you been reading? oh, and i will have a deluxe, a cheeseburger, and a tartar sauce. yes, id like to eat them and pass out immediately. no, i dont care about The Facts Of Unhealthiness. havent you been reading? oh, and i will have a deluxe, a cheeseburger, and a tartar sauce. yes, id like to eat them and pass out immediately. "

than bros pho hangover over staple. the medium bowl is so big i would wear it as a helmet if thats what it took to get another free custard puff pastry. i also had a coconut drink.

l: did you know that i'd never had pho till i moved to seattle? now my neck hurts from eating it 3-5 times per week? my chopstick skills are unparalleled. bring me a creampuff, then.

we off to portland with nate, james, johnnie. reservation (for 8 minus 1) at pizza scholls bypasses around the block line straight to the best pizza i ever had. the truffle oil especially is like eating one million dollars. astounding. fifth reich pizza nazis reign of terror begins. this was before i got into fiber supplements, by the way.
l: we ordered five pizzas (two margherita, one truffle, one bacon, one sausage and peppers), and i wisely asked the waitress if this was going to be enough. she laughed. she is a fool. i ate an entire pizza by myself, lady, and if nate was the man he once was (see: sharkweek vol. 2), he would've too. plus, the only thing that stopped me at eight slices was embarrassment. why i'm not embarrassed to discuss this now, i do not know.

l: do fiber supplements deserve their own entry? does bob weston take fiber? of course it does. of course he does. our "friends" had been telling us about fiber for months, but our friends are also idiots, so it took a while for us to catch this wave, but eventually we got some fiber and were so disgusted with the outcome (ha!) we kept taking it.

next morning, screen door portland. oyster benedict. amazing fresh ocean taste, but after glos benedict i am more impressed with screen doors generous syrup annointed nut bacon and the onion cheese biscuits than anything else. except for our unhinged capacity for inhalation of food.

l: i unsurprisingly overate and then played wii fit at nate's house, except it wasn't playing because i didn't have fun because i was too full because the fucking bacon was covered in molasses.

unremarkable thai food. actually downright weird. actually sub par. also, i had a canned coconut drink.

l: i had "artichoke drink." thinking about it nauseates me and if max didnt write the first section of this, i would have willingly excluded this section altogether.

more pictures there.

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